April 12

There is not a single tree that I have seen that is still devoid of leaf or blossom for the past two weeks. Finally, I am to enjoy the spring after what seems like the longest winter I have known. The air smells beautiful and sweet with honey suckle and the hundreds of blossoms springing in the open fields around. I was able to enjoy the beautiful, if not slightly stifling weather in the company of The Doctor and a handful of his acquaintances at a picnic on April the 9th held in a lovely park with long sprawling stairs. It was a very breath-taking sight to see the entire hill carved into an extended staircase with each level being rimmed in stone. We walked up and down as much as I was able; for I was not appropriately dressed for such exertions in such climates; but I did manage to make it to the top to look at the view down the hill to the road, and truly what a lovely sight.

 The only unfortunate circumstance to the whole affair was the condition of the insects. I don't think I have seen ants of that size, and more often than not I was bade to remain still so that the Doctor may remove a spider from my gown, as he is all too familiar now of my crippling fear of them. At one point, Miss Ashley was so kind as to tell me there was one between the layers of my gown; and I begged the Doctor remove it hastily. Ever so obliging and calm; he did with little incident and harm to either the spider or myself, if not for a diminutive dose of inconvenience.

As much as I was desirous to enjoy myself, I was occupied in my mind of the state of our living situation. The day after the picnic, the Hegwoods and I traveled outside of Nashville proper to explore a home on a rather expansive piece of land. We were greeted by a positively charming drive that wound from the main road through a rolling green field with large trees lining the drive and scattered as far as the eye could see. We rounded the last curve to see the house, and I am embarrassed to admit I let out a cry of astonishment; and my astonishment was not entirely one of pleasure. The home which greeted us was nothing more than a single story stone cottage; hardly bigger than the stables on the property of the Hegwood Estate in Albany! The carriage came to a stop and we were all handed down; Mr. Hegwood, though better, leaned heavily on his cane for a moment, and I noticed his hands shaking more than normal. I slipped my arm through his free one and we walked to the front steps of the little building.

"Mr. Hegwood, why have we stopped at the servants quarters? You can't possibly walk to the main house in your condition!" Chided his wife as she tied her bonnet under her chin.

Mr. Hegwood looked at me with a wink and chuckled to his wife. "My dearest, this IS the main house," said he.

At that moment I was certain Mrs. Hegwood would positively die of shock, for she looked at her husband and burst into tears.

"You cannot possibly sentence us to live in this sort of squalor! Why, our things will hardly fit into this shack!" sobbed she.

"Now, now, my pet, don't you fret! The house will certainly not remain this way for long, I have great plans for improvement you know! Before you know it we shall be living in a house suitable for a country gentleman," Mr. Hegwood cried as jovially as he could, in a vain attempt to placate his wife.

Fortunately for all around, birds and beasts included, his words had the desired effect and her crying ceased as abruptly as it started.

"Truly, Mr. H? You shall not force us into this poverty-like state for long?", said she, looking as pitifully as she could at the both of us.

"It shall be a charming change of scenery, don't you think, Mrs. Hegwood?" said I, cheerily, though I did not feel as certain as the conviction in my voice. We continued forward into the house, and made the circuit of the three small bedrooms, the single parlor, and the worst excuse for a dining room that ever was, for it was separated from the kitchen by only a too short screen, and having convinced Mrs. Hegwood that proper additions and alterations could be made to turn it into a fine house, the matter was settled and the house and land was to be purchased straight away.

Abigail is to be our only maid, which I am grateful to hear, for I could not bear to part with her now, and Mrs. Hegwood could never do without some sort of maid. At the first opportunity, I made haste out of the cottage and began to walk through the field of knee high grass. It was so blessedly silent, and I was very amused to see small birds burst forth from the grass merely yards before me, chattering and calling their displeasure in being disturbed. I paused and slowly turned about me to see a portion of the tree lined lane leading to the house, and nothing but rolling green all around. I knew that in time, I could grow to love this beautiful country as much as I loved my dear home in England, for within the country around and before me, my heart was buried now.

March 17

Today marked the finest day of the season I have experienced yet. The sky was clear as anything and a steady breeze kept the conditions comfortable, if not a bit treacherous for hats and feathers. Two days previous, I had received a note from the Doctor inviting me out for a picnic on the grounds of his neighbor Daniel Smith, and to introduce me to his lovely daughters! Of course I wanted to immediately agree, but as the Hegwoods and I are still residing in temporary lodgings, I feared Mrs. Hegwood would need me too much for her comfort to consent to let me go. I sat at the window for the better part of two hours, The Doctor’s note in my hand, wondering how I would be able to decline without him thinking ill of me, or how to broach the topic with Mrs. Hegwood without inducing some sort of fit. At length I approached Mr. and Mrs. Hegwood who were having tea with the windows thrown wide, Mr. Hegwood laughing with his wife, looking almost as he had when first I came to them. What a wonderful effect the climate has had on his health. Though he is still in some types of pain, it is not at all near the condition he was in when we left Albany.

Mrs. Hegwood saw me approach and beckoned me to join them, crowing, “Come my dear Emily! Come and listen to this nonsense Mr. Hegwood has been telling me!” I smiled, and complied, setting the Doctor’s note on the table to rearrange my shawl. True to her form, before I could put it safely back into my hands, Mrs. Hegwood’s eyes caught the handwriting and quick as anything she snatched it up off the cloth.

“My dearest! The Doctor has finally sent her a note! How long he must have known she was in town, yet he waited until this moment to call upon her! Such odd behavior, I declare.”

I only could smile mildly as she scanned over the contents. When she had finished she looked over the paper at Mr. Hegwood who was patiently waiting whilst sipping his tea and looking between Mrs. Hegwood and myself.

“Well my dear, obviously something is on your mind. Do have the courtesy to share it with the rest of us lest you positively pop for containing it,” Said he, with a wink in my direction. “Well Mr. Hegwood, if this is not a declaration of some sort of intent to have her, I know not what is! He has invited her to picnic on the grounds of a notable family in the area with him and his children! What do you make of that!”

I opened my mouth in shock and could not contain the noise of astonishment that escaped me.

“Mrs. Hegwood, I beg you reconsider! It is only an innocent plot to bring me some enjoyable diversions in this rather trying time. As much as I admire and respect your imaginative tendencies, do have a care that you do not run away with it, or it with you,” said I with a laugh and a blush.

Mr. Hegwood put down his tea and set to quite a roaring bout of laugher. When he was able again to speak, said he “Well put dear Emily! Well put! I dare say against any of the snobbery of refined society here or in England you will hold your own! I have no fear of losing you to their insensible games.” He took my hand in his and gave it a warm squeeze. I returned it with a smile and looked back at Mr. Hegwood, who was still grinning in mirth, being entirely unaffected at my kind censure. Before I could even ask, Mrs. Hegwood declared excitedly that of course I was to accept his invitation, and was commanded by her to enjoy myself to every possible route and to not come home until completely satisfied and exhausted with the diversions. I thanked her as warmly as I could, kissed her cheek, and wrote back to the Doctor as hastily as I could, sending it by the quickest man at the Inn.

----

When today finally arrived I was up before the sun, pouring over my gowns, hats, and spencers, holding one up then tossing it aside unsatisfied. I finally decided on my favorites, and it was highly admired by Mrs. Hegwood. As the time approached for my departure I became more and more anxious to make the proper impressions, I was, afterall, to meet his children!

I could not, though I wished it, postpone the time any longer, and I was placed in the carriage and sent along my way, with loving farewells from Mrs. Hegwood, and even Mr. Hegwood came down to see me off, supported on his valet’s arm. I feel I ought to be suspicious of Mrs. Hegwood’s excitement, but other feelings were too crowded in my heart. Finally I arrived at the beautiful grounds, and there I saw the Doctor seated with four beautiful little girls, all in white with different colored sashes about their waists. One by one I was introduced to the sweet creatures, and never have I encountered such a set of well-behaved and fine girls of such varying ages. At last I was allowed to sit with the Doctor, and enjoy the time. We ate cheese and apples, grapes, and sweet fruit jellies.

I read to the children a bit out of the novel I had brought; ‘Pamela, or Virtue Rewarded’ and they were very attentive and interested in the story. We toured the beautiful grounds and a small trail that lead to an old Indian encampment through the woods. We investigated the herb garden, and wondered aloud when the plants would finish growing, admiring the soft lambs ear and speculating how near to a lamb it felt, as none of us had at all a clue. We took turns by the lake and admired the waterfowl that surveyed their domain in their stately waddling manner. I could not have imagined a better way to spend the afternoon, and the Roberts daughters were positively loath to part with me, and to be entirely honest I was loath to be parted from them as well. I had enjoyed the time talking to them greatly, they each had opinions and personalities entirely their own, untainted by society entirely, and an intelligence beyond each of their respective years. I have no doubts at all that they will all grow into very fine young ladies, and will be the pride of their dear papa.

Long before I was ready, it was my time to depart and join the Hegwood’s for supper. The Doctor and I exchanged out parting salutations, and he warmly gave his greetings to the Hegwoods, and graciously offered his skill if ever we needed it, and knowledge of the area and families. He lifted me into my carriage, and I thanked him most ardently for his unwavering kindness and attentiveness to our situation. We parted finally with his promise to write to me, and to invite me to further outings should he find himself invited to them.

I was full of a blissful glow when I finally returned to the Hegwoods, cheeks pink from pleasure and a touch of sun. Mrs. Hegwood promised over supper she would allow me a night’s sleep before prying every detail of the event from me. Mr. Hegwood countered with a wager she would not be able to, and a friendly banter was tossed back and forth the whole of the meal on Mrs. Hegwood’s character and Mr. Hegwood’s heartless attacks upon it. There was merriment and laughter that I had not known I missed until I realized how long it had been since the three of us enjoyed it, and I sit now warmly reflecting upon it, my heart glowing and my mind unable to settle. The clock has long since chimed midnight, and I cannot bring myself to close my eyes and sleep. I sincerely hope that now we are so much closer, I may see more of the Doctor, until I can no longer tolerate his company!

February 26

t seems that months of diligent patience and the distraction of having to carry my new family from one place to the next over hundreds of miles, (admittedly for the reason I seem to be the only one with sense in this turbulent time), has at length been rewarded. Since we have arrived nearby to the city of Nashville, I have had not a moment's peace between long days spent searching for a suitable residence for the Hegwood's and myself, and seeing that where we currently reside at the Black Horse Tavern provides every sort of comfort required. I do not reproach Mrs. Hegwood for her occasional and often extravagant needs and my having to satisfy them, only I wish them not so frequent in nature.

Today, to our collective joy, Mr. Hegwood was finally able to be removed from his bed and placed in a comfortable chair by an open window. The day was a beautiful mild one, with a gentle breeze completely devoid of the sharp bite I have been so accustomed to. It feels as though we may be very close out of this dark winter, and of that I could not find more pleasure. The good weather and warm sun put all in a generally fine mood, and Mrs. Hegwood was gracious enough to allow me an evening to do with as I pleased, as she would tend to her husband. I took the opportunity to go down into the Tavern with Abigail to enjoy some society, if not limited and at times not entirely desirable. We had stayed some time, taking occasional turns about the room and about the bit of green just around the Tavern before we retired to the small front porch of the building on comfortable chairs to watch the sun dip below the horizon and listen to the few birds brave enough to continue to chirp. Guests of the Inn and Tavern came and went with very little notice from either Abigail or myself, until at one point I found myself pulled from my daydream by a voice dearly familiar to me. I quickly looked to the stairs of the building to see the tall straight back of the Doctor, talking merrily to the Tavern keep. He had made no notice of me, perhaps for the best, as I felt my face flush dreadfully, and immediately my hand went to cover the portrait of his that hung at my breast. Abigail took quick notice, and I saw a knowing and impish smile cross her face. Of course she knew everything, for she has traveled about all over with me these past few weeks, and to fill the time we have talked of nearly everything I have written in these pages. To her credit, she said and did nothing, but gave me enough vexatious sideways glances to put my heart mind in no small amount of stress.

The Doctor went inside carrying a box under his arm, still chatting in such a blithe manner I was almost convinced I had mistaken him for someone else, but there was very little mistaking his carriage and voice, and I knew it to be him, even if he was uncharacteristically energetic. I made no move to follow him, only reaching across to grab Abigail's hand in mine. "My dearest friend," said I, "grant me the strength to get through this evening, for I fear without you I may not!" She patted my hand in a motherly way and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "My dearest Miss Waterman, think of what you have made it through until this point. One accidental, and if I may say fortuitous, meeting with your favorite will certainly not do you in." I quickly hushed her as the Doctor stepped out onto the porch again, seeming to take in and relish the evening. I attempted to act composed and indifferent, rising slowly and as silently as I could to make a retreat into the Tavern, but was betrayed by the rustling of the silk of my garments. The Doctor looked over, unaware it seems he was not alone, and entirely bewildered could but stare for a few silent moments before giving me a hasty bow, which was returned by myself and Abigail. I could just manage to squeak out a "Good evening, Doctor" before being overcome with a dark blush that the diminishing light was so good as to conceal. The salutation was returned and I was invited to follow him inside and enjoy some amusement, his ease returning and cheerful countenance putting me instantly in a more comfortable temperament. He and I played multiple rounds of 'Shut the Box' as well as 'Beggar My Neighbor'. The evening was passed with great levity, and the time was very much neglected by myself, and Abigail as well, though I can be at least partially sure she made a point of ignoring the clock entirely for my benefit.

Towards the end of the evening, the stifling heat of the small room inspired the Doctor and myself to take a turn about the property, enjoying the quiet evening and the lovely stars above, and for my part the entire lack of bitter cold. Even though the sun had sent long ago, the night still carried its gentle warm touch, and small breaths of wind tugged at my hair, and pulled my feather back and forth. I spent the majority of the turn explaining to him my unexpected presence in the area of Nashville, retelling the condition of Mr. Hegwood and our traveling southward to escape the conditions of the north. He said very little during the time, but did assure me my letters and gifts were received. Said he after a pause "I also took notice that my package was delivered safely to you, as well," looking pointedly at the miniature which I still wore. I could produce no suitable response, and smiled awkwardly with a mumbled "Indeed, very safely." We turned our direction back to the Tavern, and I stopped on the pathway, internally debating with the bravery of my tongue. The Doctor, confused, waited patiently before I quietly asked "Would it be too bold of me to admit to you, Doctor, that you were very much missed in your absence?" He was silent as we began to walk again, and said only "Indeed, that is very bold." Nothing more on the subject was said, and we returned to the Tavern having neither gained nor lost any idea of his feelings.

Guests soon started to drift back to their various locations of residence, be it nearby or in the Inn itself, and few people were left. The Doctor played a few more card games with various gentlemen, and I began to grow tired, and made my farewells and gave my thanks to the Keep for his hospitality towards Abigail and I, bid the Doctor farewell, and let him know where he may find the Hegwoods and myself, should he need to, and departed to my room. Abigail watched me the entire time in the mirror as she took down my hair and helped me out of my clothing. I gave nothing away to her, though I knew she wanted nothing more than to know my thoughts of the evening.

I sincerely hope she does not tell Mrs. Hegwood, for the last thing I could possibly tolerate from in the current state of my mind is dear Mrs. Hegwood's prattling on about the interaction, and Mr. Hegwood taxing himself worrying for my heart. I shall, for the moment, keep the entire incident to myself, until of course the Doctor comes to call, as I do hope he will soon.

January 28, 1812

Today, I am three and twenty. By some grace of God I made it through the day with little to no comments or suggestions of my becoming an old maid at this ‘late stage of my bloom’. I must confess though I have had not a single suitor other than the horrendous Mr. Vincent, I have no fear of what my fate may bring. I find it is better to not think upon the subject if I can help it at all. Mrs. Hegwood, though her intentions are nothing if not wholly good and just, was the first to remind me of my “growing unfavorable circumstances” as I have shown no sign of being in a hurry to marry. How can I think upon such things when other thoughts weigh so heavily upon my head?

Mr. Hegwood has declined even more so this week. He has grown desperately thin and his gray, pain haggard face does nothing but look out of his window all the day. He has ceased to speak to any of us, and his hand has grown cold and listless each time I hold it in mine. I have ordered the pianoforte moved from the upstairs parlor into his bedroom so that I may play for him and he does not have to stir nor disrupt his comfort. I did write to Dr. Allison about the condition of my dear Mr. Hegwood, and sent it with the greatest of haste. Dr. Jackson has been dismissed, finally, as Mrs. Hegwood caught him nosing about in her private boudoir, near her jewelry, no doubt in a desire to lift some to enhance his means. I have no doubt his living is so meager considering how inept of a physician he truly is. I will wait for a proper prescription for Mr. Hegwood by Dr. Allison, but I am of the opinion he must be moved to warmer climates, where the entirety of the winter months are not spent shrouded in snow, and the sun is more readily available and not as weak when it is about.

I took the liberty today, as we had a dreadful downpour of snow last night, to walk about in the fresh drifts while I could, as there was sun to be enjoyed along with it. It was so quiet and peaceful on the property that I nearly forgot the world back inside the Hegwood Estate.

I listened for birds, and watched the ones I could with my little spyglass, given to me last September by the Doctor. The Cardinals looked like little rays of joy with their bright red cloak of feathers splashed in places across the snow. I could not but laugh at them as they hopped about fluttering in the deep snow, making such sweet little noises and raising such a fuss that the Hegwood's cat came about to also watch them, but I am sure with a different motive than to laugh at them. The cat and I took a few turns together, until the snow began to freeze my toes and cause the cat nosmall amount of frustration as he kept sinking into the deeper, looser drifts of snow.

 I entered the house with rosy cheeks and a much finer spirit, to see a letter from Dr. Allison waiting for me in the frantic hand of Mrs. Hegwood as she had intercepted the letter before myself, waving it about as she scolded me for going behind her and Mr. Hegwood. I calmly removed the letter from her hand and told her that it was only for a second opinion, and to not give herself into a fit of hysterics if she could help it. I opened the letter and to my shock found a very brief note scrawled hastily urging us to move Mr. Hegwood to a warmer climate as soon as it was possible. I relayed the information to Mrs. Hegwood who set to such a frantic squawking and rambling and panicking I thought she was near to doing herself some sort of harm! Abigail and Mrs. Murpheys, Mrs. Hegwoods personal maid, came into the room briskly to calm her and bring some sense into the immediate vicinity. I took the opportunity to escape to my own room to pen a response to Mr. Allison, informing him that we would prepare to quit the Estate by week's end, and to please find us suitable rooms until we could arrive and look for more permanent lodgings. I do hope that Mrs. Hegwood will warm to this idea rather quickly.

January 18

T is with a mixture of elation and of growing bleakness that I record the recent days and weeks since last I wrote. A small package arrived the evening before last from England, and sustained little damage to my pleasure considering the last item I received, and I was most surprised to see it from the Doctor, as I had expected only a package from England would be sent by the hands of my Mama, Papa or dear Kathryn. Indeed, though, it was a small collection of belated gifts for Christmas from the dear Doctor, and I could not have been more pleased with them, along with the sweet note enclosed. He was kind and generous enough to send to me a new wax seal with a beautiful W upon it, which makes a fine statement imprinted upon the red wax; a lovely little novel I have not yet read called ‘Pamela’, and nestled away in protective layers of tissue paper and confined in a small box was a beautiful locket with his portrait in miniature affixed to the front on an oval of fine ivory. It is a most faithful depiction of the Doctor, and does immense justice to the features which I have grown so fond of. My heart leapt within my breast upon relieving it completely from its paper wrapping, and I forgot entirely that Mr. and Mrs. Hegwood were present with me in the room.

“My dear, show us what else the Doctor has sent, whatever it is has a fine look from the back, but I see that the front is where the interest lies. Do turn it about so we may also gawk at it!” Exclaimed Mrs. Hegwood good-naturedly, jostling me out of my reverie, and also reminding me gently to close my mouth, which from the moment of seeing the locket hung open in a most indelicate expression of astonishment. I placed the locket in her outstretched hand and she immediately crooned and lavished the trinket with praise and admiration. Mr. Hegwood gave a warm smile and heartfelt nod of appreciation and winked in my direction with a gentle pat of my hand. I have since affixed it with a thin black ribbon around my neck and pinned it to the front of my dress so that it would find no harm swinging from my neck as I moved about the house. At each glance since, Mrs. Hegwood has exchanged her opinion between adoration of it and chastisement of it coming with no “promise”. Each time her mind waxes pleased upon the item, she regales me with tales of how Mr. Hegwood presented such a similar gift to her, and shows me the well-loved and worn portrait. Mr. Hegwood was a fine handsome young man with a straight back and strong features when he sat for the painting, and it breaks my heart to see him in the state he is now.

My dear, poor Mr. Hegwood has found himself in a steady decline since late October, as the weather slowly began to cool. When winter set its claws in for good and the snow began to fall readily and thick, he was taken drastically ill. He attempted to make himself rather scarce as to not frighten or vex Mrs. Hegwood, though he may have considered himself clever, he was no match for his wife’s cunning. She found him out almost immediately, and Doctor Jackson, the Hegwood’s personal man, was sent for directly. Mrs. Hegwood and I waited in no small amount of agitation all the morning whilst Dr Jackson saw to Mr. Hegwood’s care. Since then, Dr. Jackson has made himself quite at home in our guest quarters four days out of the seven, but Mr. Hegwood has shown no improvement. It does my heart much damage to watch him decline so, and his complaints of pain in his legs and back have grown more frequent and sincere, and his appetite has all but vanished in his melancholy state. I have found Mrs. Hegwood’s constant bemoaning of her dear husbands state, and the state of her and I should he die, straining on the little courage I have left. But a brave face I have kept on and I have dutifully seen to dear Mr. Hegwood every day, and kept him warm company, as he has lain unable to move from his bed. On days where the weather is not as bitter, and some sun peeks through the tenacious clouds, with the assistance of his personal man-servant and two or three footmen, he is able to be removed from his bed and placed into his wheeled chair with plenty of wrappers and warm garments, but is confined to the upstairs parlor and rooms, as he cannot yet traverse the steps. I play for him on the days that he is able to be removed from his bed, and it seems to warm his spirits as much as they can be, for the oppressive gray of the winter days is beginning to take its toll on the entire house.

I have written to the Doctor upon receipt of my gifts, and have made mention of Mr. Hegwoods current condition, in hopes that he has a suggestion better suited to care for him than what Dr. Jackson has done. I have also had mind to write to Dr. Allison in Tennessee, who my dear Doctor has mentioned more than once being a wholly competent and able physician. I will touch upon the subject with Mrs. Hegwood at supper and gain her opinion on the idea. I cannot suspect she will be disinclined to ask for a second opinion, as I see from her no amount of appreciation for Dr. Jackson, who I have caught sleeping in Mr. Hegwood’s favorite chair when he should be attending to Mr. Hegwood's ever-growing complaints of pain on more than one event.

A subject which has distracted me as much as it can from the fate of my dear Mr. Hegwood, is the knowledge that the 16th of January has come and gone, and I suspect the Doctor is making his way back to America at this very moment. Other than the quick note enclosed in my package, I have heard nothing of his time in England. I made mention to Georgiana about his being in England, but it seems her dear husband Thomas missed the Doctor by just a few days on his last trip to London. I have put her mind at ease, informing her of the Doctor’s delay, but that he was safe and sound as the package signifies, though with the time taken in the mail between England and America, I fear it was a superfluous action, but I find it always best to keep everyone informed, where I can. I very much look forward to the dear Doctor’s return, and have counted down the days again, and have spent much time beside my globe, tracing my fingers over the path Mr. Hegwood placed the first time, before he was confined to his bed, and memorizing his kind face in the miniature that is always by my side or on my person.


My greatest wish is that all those I care for will make it through this winter unscathed, happy, and healthy so that we may pass the warm and pleasant months all together and in the joy of the season.

December 30, 1812

N the bustle and festive spirit of the season, I fear my diary has lain beside my bed almost entirely forgot, gathering dust instead of memories. Between the balls, feasts, and parties large and small, I have found little time or energy to encourage myself to write. The winter season in New York is a bitingly cold but beautifully white season though with an equal amount of warmth and joy to combat the conditions out of doors. Mrs. Hegwood has proved herself most adept and enthusiastic at providing for anyone in her household elaborate and very rich meals, sparing no expense on various types treats and delicacies, whether guests are involved or it is just out small familial gathering of three, and of guests there has been no shortage of; at any given day and time. I have had not a single moment to experience any melancholy feelings, and my smiles have come more readily, and given freely. Even the Vincents have had little success in irritating or exasperating me.

Mr. Vincent at either his good and generous spirit or the idea given by my dear Aunt, has given to me a most agreeable gift; a letter of credit for me to use at whatever I may desire; as I do not carry money upon my person for fear of danger. I have used it only at five separate merchants in town for only the direst of necessities, which are as follows:

• Three yard lengths of eight different colours and styles of ribbon to be used as trimmings for hats and gowns
• Two different kinds of charming lace in one-yard lengths for the neckline of gowns or kerchiefs
• A bunch of crisp white ostrich plumes
• A bunch of trimmed peacock tail-feathers
• A bunch of dyed ostrich feathers in various colors
• The newest and most popular colours of thread for embroidery
• A small birdcage with a pair of finches for my bedroom
• A pair of blue softened leather gloves

There are other things I wish to purchase, but upon reviewing the receipts given to Mr. Hegwood, he has advised that I allow myself some time to enjoy the things that I have already purchased before adding to the collection, which is a wisdom that I suppose I cannot argue.

Christmas day is fast approaching, and I have been given the most precious gift asked for. A letter arrived from the Doctor yesterday, sent to my surprised whilst he was still at sea. He reports to me the most exciting of events! A British Royal Navy ship overtook them, just as he suspected and I feared. It seems that had not the Captain of the Jupiter been in some pain of a bad tooth, the outcome of the Doctor and the rest of the crew’s fate could have ended very differently. As it was the Doctor was cunning enough to barter the freedom and safety of the crew for his skills in aiding the Captain in his distress, and in the end the crew and passengers of the Constant were allowed safe continuation onto England unmolested. I worry still for his safety, as of course I shall until I know he is safe in England at last, but I can guess he may very well be on land as we speak, and I hope that he finds himself comfortable and warm, surrounded by those he cares about and those who care about him. Sadly, it seems the Phoebe, the ship in which his letter was sent back on did not take the particular care in which I’m sure he wished, sustained some water damage on the back and front, but the inside remained mostly unmarred.

Mr. Hegwood has not received the receipts as of yet, but I have also used my letter of credit to purchase for the Doctor a few small gifts that I hope he will be able to make use of and be amused by; A small charming sextant for his travels, two books on Flora for when he is in the field researching all manners of life, and a lovely pencil, which he may use to sketch his new findings, as I have not seen him carry one before (I suspect he may have lost it). I do not think that dear Mr. Hegwood will chastise me for these selfless purchases for one which we both share a warm affection for, in each of our ways. I will send them out when they arrive at the Estate, for there were too many packages for me to carry home, and I ordered them delivered at their earliest convenience. I hope that no damage or ill will come to them; and worry for them if the Doctor’s letter is any indication of the treatment mail is given during these somewhat turbulent times between England and America.

November 13, 1812

he frost has begun to thicken upon every surface in the early mornings, at times not thawing out until well after breakfast, making the now barren trees shine as the weakening sunlight touches them. The age of the house is showing with each passing day by allowing the cold to penetrate at every thin corner and draughty passageway. Staying warm is far beyond my ability in such conditions, and I have been permanently attached to the fireplace in my bedroom or in the parlor, straying not away if I can help it lest I freeze myself straight to death! I cannot even play my instrument any longer, for my hands cannot bear the movements when they are so cold. I am told the weather will continue to get colder, and Mr. and Mrs. Hegwood tease me kindly about my obvious inability to remain warm. I cannot abide by the cold, and this is a painful sort!

Mrs. Hegwood has begun to decorate the rooms with sprigs of holly and other festive flora in light of the approaching holiday season. While I am not particularly fond of it, the bright colors and lovely fresh smells bring my heart a greatly needed cheer. It calls to my mind fond memories of my childhood, when the same sights and smells brought excitement and anticipation of guests from afar and so much joy and warmth. I am reminded most fondly of my mothers close friend whom she knew from school, Miss Isabella Ashborne, who much to our collective sorrow strayed far from us to Eastbourne after the death of her husband. She was always much like an aunt or an elder sister to me, and I have known her since I was but a babe. I wrote to her, as often as I could whilst back in England, but since I have been in America I am afraid no letter has been sent, and I am most remiss in my duties as a friend. I have resolved to write to her before the week is out, and recall the cherished memories of her visits during the holidays. I find myself remembering things about England that I will no longer be able to enjoy, at least in the same manner, now that I am in America. I will miss Mama and Papa deeply and Kathryn as well. I hope that she has been well, and will encounter no difficulties this winter as her condition every day progresses closer to the happy time.

Mrs. Vincent has invited Mr. and Mrs. Hegwood and myself to a dinner party and ball on their estate to celebrate the holidays, and I am told all the best society will be in attendance that is to be found in Albany. Mrs. Hegwood has expressed a great interest in the “various eligible bachelors” that will supposedly be there as well, even some with titles on the line to be inherited, visiting from home.

Says she; “My dearest Emily, it would be good to divert your attentions to someone who you can rely upon, child.” To this, I could not help but respond, entirely shocked and offended; “Mrs. Hegwood, I would expect more of your good opinion towards the Doctor! You do me great injury as well as to him.” I of course, could say nothing more for I did in truth have no grounds to claim him attached to me, as much as I wanted to state it as fact. She said no more of the matter, but patted me on the cheek and gracefully moved to another subject. Her words, though, remained with me for quite some time, and I began to think perhaps she was correct, and to lay away my affection for the Doctor unmarred by disappointment and heartbreak in their happy memory and move away from pinning my hopes there.

Without our knowledge, Mr. Vincent had observed the entire exchange from just beyond the doorway of the parlor. If Mr. Hegwood had not happened upon him and let out a startled exclamation, who is to say how much more he would have heard? By now I fear he already knows more than I wished him to. The Doctor was to remain safe from Mr. Vincent, locked away in my heart, but now I am afraid he cannot be any longer. Mr. Vincent is a terribly perceptive and sharp man, and will find it all out in time.

After his abrupt entry into our company in the parlor, he bowed graciously to Mrs. Vincent, and greeted her and humbled himself in a most falsely sanguine manner, causing my blood to boil. As he addressed me I returned them with the shortest answers deemed polite and sufficient, before sitting at the furthest corner of the room from him, forsaking my place by the fire, and picked up the nearest book. He was not to be dissuaded, however, and insisted upon sitting beside me and engaging me in conversation. Mrs. Hegwood suddenly remembered something that needed her direct attention, and made haste from the parlor, dragging the hesitant and confused Mr. Hegwood behind her. Mr. Hegwood turned to look at me over his shoulder as he was pulled from the room, and my eyes begged him to stay, but Mrs. Hegwood would allow no such thing, and forcefully bade him come away with tugs, looks, and threats.

Mr. Vincent watched them go, pausing in his barrage of dull questions and comments to hear the footsteps fade away from earshot, before wiping the gentle and amiable expression clear off of his face and donning his natural state, before turning back to me with a haughty sneer. “So, Miss Waterman, who is this Doctor,” said he as he moved closer to me, removing the book from my hands none too gently and tossing it onto the chair which just moments ago my only protector had occupied. I chose not to answer him and smiled, moving to the furthest end of the couch in which we resided, commenting on the sudden change in the cold weather. Mr. Vincent hushed me violently midway through my sentence, and startled, I chanced a look into his face, and I found it most ugly; flushed with anger and pride. “No, Miss Waterman I shall NOT be moved from this topic. You will tell me who this man is, and how he comes to dare have the claim over you which I so deservedly possess, for you are mine and no other man’s,” Said he. My heart trembled something wild within my breast and my hands shook, but I stayed my course. “Mr. Vincent,” said I, “It is no part of your business what I conduct in my personal affairs or with whom I conduct them. You shall not get the answer you desire from me, and this interview has concluded.” With that, I removed myself from the couch and from the room as quickly as I could, and left him there, spluttering in his shock and rage, to barricade myself in my bedroom.

It has been two days since, and I have heard nothing from him, and am gentling a hope into existence that he has gone from me for good, and I have succeeded at last. Mrs. Vincent must be entirely unaware of the exchange, for she has continued to amuse Mrs. Hegwood, and the invitation has not been revoked. Mr. Hegwood since that day, has begun to take a closer interest in my safety, and I believe he has made an acute observation of Mr. Vincent’s effect on me, and has taken pains to remain in my presence as often as he can. If I could thank him without him knowing of Mr. Vincent’s previous conduct, I would wash over him the kindest expressions of gratitude I know. Instead, I provide for him as much amusement and entertainment as I can, and he seems contended enough with that. He reminds me very much of my dear Papa, and I shall endeavor to be the best to him as his own natural daughter could be.

There is still no letter yet from the Doctor, but Mr. Hegwood assures me that he should be safe in England soon enough.