12, July

A brand new blank book in which to record the summer is precisely what The Doctor ordered; even more so considering it was a gift from him for my avid use.  It was given at just the right time – before he left to attend his naval compatriots far, far to the north in Canada for whatever duty was required, and I think somewhere he knew how much I would miss him – he gave no definitive time of his return.

I was prepared for an incredibly dull summer, full of empty hours and listless wandering about the estate, but my luck would have it I received, approximately a week after the Doctor’s departure, a letter from Mr. and Mrs. Tumbusch of Wyndhaven Manor in Ohio inviting me to travel with them into Canada as Mr. Tumbusch had some manner of business to attend, and Mrs. Tumbusch, knowing I was destined to be quite bored unless something drastic happened insisted upon inviting me.  With all haste I dispatched a heartfelt thanks and acceptance of their kind invitation, and proceeded to beg Mr. Hegwood for new things which of course he acquiesced to, claiming he had not spent nearly enough money in recent days, and found himself with a surplus he had no clue what to do with.  A new gown was ordered with instructions to have it finished in all haste, and some new life was given to a favorite spencer, a new hat was purchased and new shawls.   I could very easily get away with wearing slightly aged favorites for I would move in circles of society I did not yet know.

Mr. Hegwood arranged that I would attend himself and Mrs. Hegwood who were going north into Ohio for a pleasure tour as they had not yet been to explore that region, and Mr. Hegwood desired to purchase some new land in what he was told was a fertile land; and he would deposit me in the care of the Tumbusches. 

I made the mistake of thinking the travel from our plantation to Wyndhaven Manor was tiresome and dull.  The travel from Ohio into Upper Canada was nigh unto unbearable.  Two weeks of travel with very full days in a bouncy rough carriage was nearly torture! It was far too bouncy to even attempt to write or sketch, so my time was spent looking out of the window.  Once we entered into civilized territory (for we had to travel far to the east to travel northwards for safety) things became a little more enjoyable.  I had forgotten what the east coast was like, for the only other time I traveled it was when we moved from New York into Nashville.  It was very refreshing to see such fashion and bustle of a city which I found I have missed from England.  

At long last we arrived at our destination; hot harried and completely exhausted.  It took some time before our camp was assembled, but when completed it created a very homey place in which we would spend a few days.

There was so much to see and do whilst in York.  Mr. and Mrs. Tumbusch were very good to take me about and show me all there was to see in the town, which was very charming and quaint.  I was very much in need of distraction, for I had lost the count of weeks it had been since last I saw the Doctor.  We spent a good deal of money, ate at some very charming public houses, and toured wineries the likes I had never seen.  Outside of the town proper crops extended as far as the eye could see a proverbial ocean of green.  Before I knew it, Friday had come to a close, and I sat outside of the tent at my desk, looking out at the fort up the hill from where we were, watching soldiers mill about, my mind miles and miles away unable to put pen to paper.  The beauty surrounding me set my mind to far-away places and fond memories.  The growing darkness and chill in the air sent me finally to bed, where I rested rather peacefully with Bingley, the little dog, lovingly by my side.

April 10

I never like spring so well as when I am able to be out amongst the growing things and with the best of company.   This past Friday brought me the unbridled joy of seeing my dear friend Ms. Bosworth and her dear fiancé arrive safely at the plantation.  I had spent my entire day in fits of anxiety, fearing every hour brought a new set of dangers, and that indeed something ill had befallen them.  Gladly, as the hour of five approached, my heart was set at ease in spying their carriage from my bedroom window approach.  I am amazed I did not do harm to myself as I ran down the stairs in my haste to greet them; all the while calling through the house “They have come! They have come! Ms. Bosworth is safely arrived!”  I caused such a commotion I suspect nearly every servant stopped what task they were conducting to observe what is was.  Mrs. Hegwood stepped from the parlor and Mr. Hegwood from his study, each looking bewildered and perturbed at my behavior.  I gave not the time for Nigel to execute his task of announcing them, for I was out of the door and to their carriage before it could even stop rightly, calling to them and projecting my well-wishing sentiments at the top of my voice.  I confess my conduct in no way reflected the state of my expensive and exhausted up-bringing. 

Our picnic company

However, at length, Ms. Bosworth and Mr. McCarty were ushered inside and attended to with every care possible, taking advantage of a well needed secure night’s sleep.  Saturday, I woke early, and paced about my room in my dressing gown, fitfully un-braiding and re-braiding my hair, watching the sun lift itself over the horizon.  My nervous anticipation was two-fold, for I so desired to be in company with Ms. Bosworth, but also after what felt like an absence that was too long to be described, I was to see the Doctor again.  One would think that after so many encounters, I would grow tired of the idea, but each time it was fresh.

Ms. Bosworth and Ms. Waterman

Once the morning began in earnest, it was gone in an instant, and we all managed to arrive at our picnic location in one piece with little fuss and bother.  I cannot say I am too innocent in regards to fuss and bother; I of course, had a moment of nothing being fit to wear in my entire wardrobe.  Is that not always the way with us as women?

Ms. Stockton takes a turn

The day progressed beautifully, the weather could not have been any more pleasant, and all of my favorite people arrive.  The Jacksons were there, Miss Jordan, Miss Stockton, Miss Haskins, Mr. Ramsey, and of course the Doctor, myself, Miss Bosworth and Mr. McCarty.  All were in their best looks, and after some light refreshments, Mr. Ramsey, the Doctor, and Mr. McCarty found a suitable clearing for a relaxed game of Cricket.  Miss Bosworth, myself, Miss Haskins and Miss Stockton all went to watch them.  The gentlemen looked dashing as always, and scandalized us all in taking off their coats, for ease of playing.  They put on a very good show of flexing and strutting, and at one point I believe the Doctor began the great crack in our Cricket bat.  After being bored of watching the gentlemen show off, I demanded they give each of us ladies a turn.  It was quite fun, and I did indeed hit the ball hard enough to allow me a quick jaunt to the other wicket, though I got arrogant and made an attempt to run back for a second point, in which Mr. Ramsey and Mr. McCarty no longer wanted to play gently and struck me out.  I was quite put out and made a show of it, but all knew I had no ill sentiments about the entire thing.  Miss Bosworth was our last to the bat, as after her second hit the bat split completely in two! Mr. McCarty claims he can repair it, and we all made great sport with Miss Bosworth, claiming she was a lion!  

"we most certainly were stuck"

The rest of the afternoon consisted of many turns about the beautiful grounds, exploring the stairways and indulging in long awaited for conversations.  Miss Bosworth and I found ourselves in the most peculiar situations more than once; at one point we climbed, very ill advisedly, atop a little stone bridge to see if the view was any more attractive from there.  We found that is most certainly was not, and that we most certainly were stuck.  Mr. McCarty was summoned to aide Miss Bosworth down and since the Doctor felt (I can only suppose) that I was HIS responsibility, came to aide me.  He very politely lifted me off of the bridge and looked at me with only a mild disapproving look, though somewhere in it I was positive I sensed a smile.  

Before I knew it, the sun dipped below the trees, and our coaches were all brought ‘round and we each returned to our own homes, though Mr. McCarty and Ms. Bosworth came back to our estate as they were not to depart until Monday.  We were all so exhausted that we could only give Mr. and Mrs. Hegwood a brief but positive review of the charming day we all enjoyed.

Ms. Bosworth and Mr. McCarty

I never thought the departure of such a dear friend could cause such an impact on me, but I have been so dejected since they have left.  I have hardly been able to rally enough to take any turns through our property, or to see the horses.  I have spent much of my time in my room, or pacing about the house like a ghost, lethargic and melancholy.

I must bear the solitude and lack of my Ms. Bosworth until I see her again, later this summer.  It shall take all of my fortitude.

Ms. Waterman and the Doctor

Ms. Stockton ready for her turn with the hoop.

Our Dandy Gents

The General and Ms. Haskins play at Graces

March 30

What a dreadfully dull month we have had!  In terms of amusement and engagements,  I have never faced a more disagreeable time.  Though the Doctor is less than ten miles from us, we hardly see anything of him, and no other company is to be had!  The General and Mrs. Jackson spend so much time away from home; I have quite given up on having them in ours.  Though with the occupation of the General, I cannot blame them too much.  The Smiths, at Rock Castle, have too much to keep them on their own property as well.  I am in a desperate way for new company! 

I suppose, then, that is why I have been shipped off to the north, to Wickland Mansion, home of Charles Wickliffe.  Perhaps Mr. and Mrs. Hegwood assumed I would find more diverting company here, but alas, it is more of the same, though instead of just bored, I am faced with also having to seem amused and polite around new people.  Thankfully for me, the weekend has also included a small festival, traders and people from all around have been using Mr. Wickliffe’s extensive grounds to set up shops and to sell and trade their wares.  Unfortunately, the weather must not have been in communication, for it is cold, overcast, and has rained.  I have not had any opportunity to explore any of the shops, and to peruse the people coming and going and to see if anyone I may know has arrived.  By now, it being nearly midnight, many of those people have gone.  I have nothing in which to say to shop-keeps, other than a query on price or product.

I have been in communication with my dear friend Ms. Bosworth, of Albany, New York, as constantly as the distance can allow, and I am excitedly anticipating her arrival in the Nashville area for the picnic and enjoyment of the spring-time weather we shall have next weekend.  The Doctor, anticipating the cobwebs and insanity that the long winter encourages, has taken all the work upon himself to set up a wonderful gathering.  I feel as though I have not seen any of my circle of acquaintance and friends in a life age, and if anything can put me into a better humor, it is them.  

To the south, back at the plantation, the weather has been so fine, perfect to my tastes.  Quite warm with mild evenings and little rain.  I have spent the majority of my time out of doors, practicing my archery when I am able, spending some time amongst the horses (much to the chagrin of Mrs. Hegwood and against the pointed advice of Mr. Hegwood), and walking the property that is fit to explore.  I have had to take care to not tread among too much tall grass, for ticks are to be found in abundance.  I live in dread of the Doctor being called to remove the engorged beasts from mortifying locations.  Should I live to be lucky enough for him to have his hands upon me in places not already touched by dancing, I would wish it to be the subsequent aftermath of marriage, not because I was careless of my surroundings.  I shall certainly have nightmares of it tonight.  

I have discovered a very overgrown path in the south pastures; it weaves about a small thicket nearby to a stream.  I walk the length of it I feel safe doing so at least once a day, and ponder what it leads to and who created it.  Mr. Hegwood suggests it is a deer path, since it is next to water, but I think he has not imagination enough.  I feel as though whenever I am upon it alone, dozens of eyes watch my progressions.  I feel no fear when I am there; however, for very near at hand is the overseer’s cabin, and should I cry for help, someone would certainly hear me.   

Tomorrow, if the weather is suitable, I shall explore the Wickland grounds, and spend some of my money.  Nothing cheers me up quite like new things.

Beautiful photo by Mark Selter

February 29

Four years ago I had not the amusing pleasure to celebrate Leap Day, surrounded by people though I was in the height of my coming into society, I cannot imagine any one of those gentlemen forced into my acquaintance who would have understood of my cynical humor on such ‘romantic’ holidays.  I suppose four years ago I was certainly not as jaded as I am presently, but I do not imagine myself so much personally altered in that regard that I cannot recall my own temperament.   

This year, however, I sent the Doctor a silly poem ‘professing my affection’, in hopes of lightening his day, if such a service was at all required in the first place (which I am certain, in his profession, is often the case.) As much as I wanted to absolutely state my true unswerving devotion and affections for him, I am sadly not sure of his own feelings regarding the subject, so any declarations made were masked in a sarcastic wit.  If he feels as I do, I can only hope that he will read between the lines, as it were, and understand me better.  I confess, my confidence remains rather low.

The poem read as follows:

 My Dearest Doctor, for dearest it is true,

It is a miracle you do not bore me,

For most around me do.

We could sit and converse for hours,

If you refrain from talking of flowers.

You bear my censures, and indulge my sharp wit,

I suppose I could not find for myself a better fit.

I do hope that we may continue as we are,

Anyone else tolerable I wager is too far,

And to confess, of you I am quite fond,

Something like a frog is to a pond.

Do not let my poetry ill of you reflect,

In you I find not a single defect,

Humor is all I intend to project ,

And through it a sincere affection I wish to protect.

Domestically, we have survived the setting our property for our new equine additions, and just two days previous Mr. Hegwood returned from his travels with two working horses in which he will put to use in preparing the north fields for Tobacco, a crop which he assures will bring us even more comfort in the way of funds.  Mr. Covey has convinced my dear guardian that in growing Tobacco,he cannot possibly go wrong.  Morally, I have to vehemently disagree with him, for whilst the employment of Negro slaves for the breeding of horses and the tending of our land in the general way was unavoidable, employing more for the addition of growing a crop which will then fuel his first ideas of income and pass-time strikes me as careless with the life of our fellow man.     It is a subject in which I feel most strongly, yet must remain as ignorant and oblivious outwardly as a babe.  In America, nothing is to be gained with nay-saying of slavery.

Gladly, though, I shall abandon thought upon troublesome topics, and keep it on things that bring me joy.  The two new horses are both shires, one who has a face almost completely white, and the other a more refined head, though their coats and mains were in the most wretched condition from the long voyage from Kentucky territory and the wet winter we have had.  They are in a desperate way of needing to be groomed, and I hope once settled they can be attended to.  I was allowed the pleasure of naming them, as they are both lovely strong mares, they have been dubbed Hera and Diana, goddesses of their own right, the beautiful creatures.  They paid great attention to me as I greeted them and were quite fond of me, as I think they knew I was fond of them.  I shall take the best care of them, I think, in way of treats and affection, and shall question Mr. Hegwood if either would be willing to carry me, since I have yet to attain a suitable mount, Jack having not survived his voyage from Albany, and every other brute being too wild and dangerous.  I feel sitting atop either Hera or Diana would be similar to sitting in our drawing room sofa, and the image invoked by such thoughts has caused great mirth between myself and Abigail.

February the 5th

It has been far too long since I have put pen to paper, but being without the aid of my diary for nearly a month makes it terribly difficult to fill it, one would think.  It was left behind shortly after Christmas at the Plantation when I had to good fortune to spend some time with my good friends Mr. and Mrs. Jackson whilst the coarse and disgusting work men finished fencing off pastures and erecting the barn whilst we had a good spell of weather.  It has been so strangely mild here this winter, not a touch of snow like I recall last winter.  I should not complain too much of it, since Mr. Hegwood has benefited very well in his health by the conditions.  Mrs. Hegwood, however, complains a vast deal about her pains in her head and flutterings all about her body and nervous spells.  I am more apt to believe it is boredom that she suffers from, and not much else.   Who can possibly blame her?  It truly has been one of the dullest winters of my life.

Christmas was spent well enough.  For my part, I would have gladly given up anything for it to have been only Mr. and Mrs. Hegwood and myself instead of the company we did end up with.  Mrs. Hegwood had written to the Vincents to invite them for Christmas.  I of course knew nothing about it until the morning before their arrival as Mrs. Hegwood got quite up in arms about how “shabbily I was dressed to welcome in a family of a vast fortune”.  I was quite shocked to find out I was to be welcoming the man and by extension the family that very easily brought me no small amount of discomfort and anxiety.   Mr. Vincent, however, took very little notice of me other than to sneer and remark how coarse I had become since “settling myself here in the wild”.  Whilst I do not appreciate being slighted and insulted by any human being, I would rather him insult me than make any advance on me.  They departed after only a two week visit, Mrs. Vincent complaining all the while of a cold and wishing to be home.    

Shortly after their visit had ended, I was whisked away by the ever charming and attentive Jacksons who read between the lines of my latest letter and knew I was rightly miserable and needed a change of scene and society.  They were even so kind enough as to invite some of my dearest friends on January the 28^th, it being my four and twentieth birthday.  It was a very merry party, and even the Coopers made the long journey from Ohio to spend the day with me, though because Mr. Cooper already had business in our part of the country it made the visit that much easier.   The Doctor was of course part of the party, though he did not arrive until after luncheon, and I was worried he would not arrive at all.  It was indeed a very lovely way to spend my birthday, and to make me forget for a moment Mrs. Hegwood’s nagging reminders how I had better  ought find a suitor if I wanted to avoid the dreaded spinsterhood.  I could do well without her reminding me that she and Mr. Hegwood wed after just her first season Out.  Mrs. Jackson and Mrs. Cooper alleviated my worries by reminding me that the society was very limited where we were, and things certainly moved at a different pace, and my bloom of youth was by no means faded and I possessed the lucky image of one much younger than myself.  I suppose that shall keep me well and desirable for marriage well into my thirties.  Truly, I have no desire to marry someone just because by standards I am getting well on past being marriageable.  I wish to marry for love, not to prevent gossip about how there must be something wrong with me.  Maybe this is what irks Mrs. Hegwood so.

Mr. Hegwood is gone to Kentucky to make the first purchase of a number of Dams and two Sires for his race horses.  He has spent much more time and money than I think completely rational on this pleasure route, but if he is content who am I to disagree?  Besides, I am of the opinion he has more money than he rightly knows how to spend, and I cannot worry too much about the loss of it.   I remain, though, very excited to see them when they arrive.  There are four acres fenced and cleared with the stables completed and looking resplendent and perhaps a little too showy at the corner nearest the house, so that Mr. Hegwood can properly see them both from his bedroom and from his study.  He also told me, upon leaving for his journey, that he would keep his eye out for a suitable mount to carry a lady.  This, of course, brings me more joy than is sensible, but when it comes to horses, I am hardly sensible

. 

With foals and riding in the spring, I can hardly spend the rest of winter with any sort of sensible decorum.

November 20

Miss Waterman  having a dance with Mr. Kauffman

However one can comfortably go four months between having a happy opportunity to dance is entirely inconceivable to me.  I suppose it would be longer if I truly mean a happy opportunity, for in July my enjoyment of the ball I attended was certainly wanting.  This time, however, my heart could have burst with the happiness it contained.  I have never known such an enjoyable day as the twelfth.  Today I shall spend the time in pleasant reminiscing and recovery of perhaps a little too much merriment for the past few days.  I did not sit down but for the first two dances and found by the end of the evening I was completely exhausted.   I danced two with the Doctor, at least, I believe, once with Mr. Ramsey, once with Mr. Kauffman, once with Mr. Tumbusch, once with Mr. Cushing, and I am positive I have rudely forgotten the others I stood up with.  Despite what the Doctor often repeats, he is an utterly charming dancer.
My Masque was well received, and at once all knew what it was meant to be; a little vixen.  I fear my attire may have influenced  my behavior to a degree perhaps bordering unacceptable.  My sole savior was the level in which everyone else around me was involved in their own enjoyment.  Not a single creature noticed my inappropriate conversations and interactions, save of course the Doctor, who in his ever unwavering patience and attitudes said nothing, and only displayed a cocked brow of disapproval once or twice.  I think even he was engrossed in the evenings delights.  All in attendance looked wonderful, and the scene was that out of a fanciful painting. 

Low Tea with the very best of friends

My Aunt Elizabeth enjoyed her stay very much as well, and it was quite a treat to introduce her to the wonderful life I had cultivated in America.  Prior to the ball, Mr. Ramsey was good enough to invite the Tumbusches, the Doctor, Mr. Cushing,  Aunt Elizabeth, and myself to tea at his mother's tea room.  The fare was beyond comparison, and the company the best.  Post tea, we were away to Rock Castle, so that the Doctor may over-see the decorations for the evening, and so that I could show my aunt the beautiful grounds.  Whilst the men toiled away, she and I delighted ourselves with a tour of the grounds, and the family cemetery.  Since Gen. Smith was away we could not tour the house, but the day previous I was able to tempt a housekeeper into giving us a quick showing.  She was very charmed by the quaint house, and enchanted by the surroundings in which they were happily situated. 

To my dismay, she is to be sent back to England in just a few days time,  for she cannot be away for the entire season, and has too many pressing business matters to attend to remain gone for long.  It is unfortunate but unavoidable.  I asked her at the very start of her visit here about my family back in England, and upon the first time of my asking, she was quite furtive in her answers, and immediately engrossed herself in conversation with Mrs. Hegwood, and upon my second press for information, told me quite sharply that should I wish to know how everyone got on back home, I ought to send a letter.  I was so taken aback at the response, I dared not inform her my many letters that have gone unanswered.  It left me terribly uneasy, and I fear something is amiss, and I will never know what. 

The Covey's and the family enjoy cards

Earlier this week, the Hegwoods and myself were introduced to the Coveys, a very amusing couple who are the interested party in the property adjoining ours.  Mr. Covey is quite advanced in his years, with a second wife barely older than I.  She is a delightful creature, terribly doting and demure.  Mr. Covey is a tall balding gentleman of apparent deafness for everything he says is of an almost unacceptable volume, and you can be certain to repeat yourself two or three times if you do not speak as loud as he.  It took me only two kind questions and an observation before I wisely chose to cease communication with Mr. Covey and to converse with his little wife.  From her I have gathered they are delighted with the country lifestyle, having come from the high city living in Virginia, and Mr. Covey chooses to spend his retirement in quiet solitude. 

Post supper

They are of considerably fortune, and from Mr. Covey's first marriage will bring two daughters and a son when their house is completed and they take up residence.  One can only assume from the look of Mr. Covey that at least one of his children will provide me with a companion or some amusement.  Perhaps both or at least one of the Miss Coveys can sit one of our horses, and accompany me.  I would be surprised indeed if they could keep pace, but I suppose they can learn nonetheless.

 
I shall be mightily amused when they take up residence, and if nothing else I hope to find some folly of human nature to observe and make merry of to myself and Mr. Hegwood.

Miss Waterman dressed for the occasion

 

 

 

Miss Waterman and the Doctor enjoying a third dance together

Miss Waterman and the Doctor at yet another dance

A lively group for the last dance

October the 28th

T feels as though Summer began just yesterday, and that we were only just shaking off the last of Winter, instead of embracing the beginnings of Autumn.  I confess I am not prepared to accept Winter once again so soon, but it is to come as it always does, and will go away again, as it always does. It has, of course, signaled the concern for Mr. Hegwood's previous health issues, and if our Winter is not much more vicious than the Autumn has shown so far, I think we may be fortunate indeed that we shall have him at least one more year.

It has taken me some time to be accustomed to our new home, and I am indeed very pleased with it.  My bed chamber is very happily situated, though I am in want of more windows.  I am always in want of more windows wherever I am, so I suppose it is not a failing on the construction of the house.  I am so used to spending my time indoors interacting with my family between walls that perpetually feel as though they are going to tumble down upon me at any moment, that wandering through the spacious chambers of the new house makes me feel as though I shall be positively swallowed up and lost for good!  I am so pleased that the structure is finished that I am determined I shall not mourn the want of papers and paint for the walls, more furniture, and other decorative touches, which as I write I have hopes are en route from New York.

In the dull times where I do not have any correspondence to attend to, I have fantasized endlessly about the masquerade ball I will be attending the 12th of November.  It has most certainly been too long in between my last opportunity to showcase my skills as an accomplished educated young lady and the rare opportunities to perhaps slip something to the Doctor unheard by anyone else.  I do not intend to set propriety at naught, but I feel he is the sort of modest and unassuming man that one must encourage by any polite means possible.  Mrs. Hegwood I fear is turning into a rather ill suited influence, but she is certainly more amusing to me than anyone else I have in my immediate surroundings.

I sincerely wish that there was something more exciting and new to fill my pages with than construction on this or construction on that, or changes here and there, but sadly that is all that is filling my life in these drear weeks.  I have been so spoilt by the constant touring of the near states that this sedentary life I have found myself thrown back into sits very poorly with my active mind.  There can only be so many turns taken about the torn up space behind the house where there will be a garden one day, or perusing the little bit of wilderness close by on the west lawn, using the term wilderness as lightly as possible, for the smattering of trees left standing qualifies more as a small copse, than any sort of wilderness I am accustomed to.  Until I am able to have my hands on a horse again, I fear I shall be dreadfully bored, for I can only walk so far.  Mr. Hegwood is supposing the stables to be completed within a fortnight, and the pastures fenced completely within a month.  After that, Jack can be brought down from Albany, and my amusements extended. 

Rumor has circulated from town about the potential of the fifteen acres adjoining our property to be purchased by a well-to-do Virginian family, but we have seen not a soul upon the road past our property, and have heard not a name.  Abigail, Mrs. Hegwood and myself have lost hope that there is anything to this rumor, but enjoy speculating over supper and cards nonetheless.