2nd February

To marry for love is something so rare and uncommon in most lives that I must remember to cherish every moment I have for my fortune.   Not a day has gone by since that blessed moment last September when, before all of our acquaintance and beloved friends I was made by the dearest of men the happiest of women on earth.  When I find that I miss my Doctor (oh to at last call him MY Doctor) so very intensely I must but remember the beautiful day and find that I am happy, and I shall weather all the storms of matrimony, and will indeed endure the agonizing wait I must face before our joyous day can come, and I must endeavor to forget the tens of thousands of miles that separate us whilst he is at sea, and the many dangers that could befall him.   How can one be so happy, yet be so sad and fretful?

Mrs. Hegwood had, at the beginning before truly understanding the length in which our engagement must extend, made a very good stab at keeping my utterly distracted and unable to miss him fully, for week after week trying ventures into town to look at warehouses and to explore the latest plates and fashions from London and even France were undertaken, and vast amounts of money were spent and then reimbursed when purchases without my consultation were made and it disagrees wholly with my tastes.  I confess this happened more frequently than I like to admit, and she has begun to make an enemy with the establishments where this practice was one too many times repeated.  I have finally convinced her that eight months was plenty of time in which to find clothes, have my garments made to my perfect taste, and to decide on and complete any other task.  

But a couple nights ago, I had the most peculiar dream.  I attended a ball with my dearest and nearly all I knew and loved were there but some were in the most peculiar dress.  Some ladies and gentlemen were wearing things from my mother’s youth and some were wearing things I could not even comprehend.  My beloved Eliza Tattman was wearing the most absurd thing I had ever seen, but of course looked fetching regardless.  I doubt there is a thing she could wear she did not look well in. At one point I can recall plain as day I danced with Mr. and Mrs. Tumbusch's dog! I do recall also that the gown in which I was wearing was a splendid display of fashion, and I have taken the time to sketch it down to make for my wedding Ball. I suspect the quantity of wine I had with supper was perhaps excessive and my odd dream was owing to it.  I do so long to dance again with my Doctor; he always was an exceptionally fine dancer, even if he claims he will always spend his evening in the corner with the old women and the card players.

I wish we could finally enter into fine weather again.  I had but a fleeting taste a couple of week past, and I gloried in ever sun beam I could find in my music room, and I could have sworn my mood much improved.  However, it was not to last and the cold weather once again returned with a vengeance and quite often a hard freeze with rain that froze upon every surface almost instantly after it landed.  Mr. Hegwood was worried for the trees near the house lest branches break and cause damage to the house or stables.   With luck, we avoided any such fate but I was confident I would freeze solid before it was all through.
Spring, they say, is just about the corner, and will be upon us in no time.  Perhaps with the return of fine weather I can expect the return of my beloved.  His portrait does nothing to stave away the loneliness and despondency of his absence.