20 March

At long last a long anticipated journey to see my beloved cousin Lady Georgiana Sully for a week has come upon me and I admit I can hardly contain myself.  I have so longed to see her and so dearly missed her, it has quite near broken my heart. 

I hate to travel but the rewards for the end of this journey will be completely worth the trials.  I suspect I shall have much to write on whilst I am there; if I am lucky enough to find time to do it.

She has promised to introduce me to quite a large number of her acquaintance and I am quite intimidated by the notion..But I am in her good caring hands and I know she will not expose me to company not worth keeping.

I hope Mr. Hegwood can bear to have Mrs. Hegwood solely to himself, I will not scruple in confessing glad to be rid of her for some time.  Lady Sulley will be graciously taking on some of the planning for  my wedding clothes and her taste is certainly more to mine than anyone else aside from my dear Mrs. Cooper or Ms. Tattman.

Away am I to sleep, for before dawn, I depart!

2nd February

To marry for love is something so rare and uncommon in most lives that I must remember to cherish every moment I have for my fortune.   Not a day has gone by since that blessed moment last September when, before all of our acquaintance and beloved friends I was made by the dearest of men the happiest of women on earth.  When I find that I miss my Doctor (oh to at last call him MY Doctor) so very intensely I must but remember the beautiful day and find that I am happy, and I shall weather all the storms of matrimony, and will indeed endure the agonizing wait I must face before our joyous day can come, and I must endeavor to forget the tens of thousands of miles that separate us whilst he is at sea, and the many dangers that could befall him.   How can one be so happy, yet be so sad and fretful?

Mrs. Hegwood had, at the beginning before truly understanding the length in which our engagement must extend, made a very good stab at keeping my utterly distracted and unable to miss him fully, for week after week trying ventures into town to look at warehouses and to explore the latest plates and fashions from London and even France were undertaken, and vast amounts of money were spent and then reimbursed when purchases without my consultation were made and it disagrees wholly with my tastes.  I confess this happened more frequently than I like to admit, and she has begun to make an enemy with the establishments where this practice was one too many times repeated.  I have finally convinced her that eight months was plenty of time in which to find clothes, have my garments made to my perfect taste, and to decide on and complete any other task.  

But a couple nights ago, I had the most peculiar dream.  I attended a ball with my dearest and nearly all I knew and loved were there but some were in the most peculiar dress.  Some ladies and gentlemen were wearing things from my mother’s youth and some were wearing things I could not even comprehend.  My beloved Eliza Tattman was wearing the most absurd thing I had ever seen, but of course looked fetching regardless.  I doubt there is a thing she could wear she did not look well in. At one point I can recall plain as day I danced with Mr. and Mrs. Tumbusch's dog! I do recall also that the gown in which I was wearing was a splendid display of fashion, and I have taken the time to sketch it down to make for my wedding Ball. I suspect the quantity of wine I had with supper was perhaps excessive and my odd dream was owing to it.  I do so long to dance again with my Doctor; he always was an exceptionally fine dancer, even if he claims he will always spend his evening in the corner with the old women and the card players.

I wish we could finally enter into fine weather again.  I had but a fleeting taste a couple of week past, and I gloried in ever sun beam I could find in my music room, and I could have sworn my mood much improved.  However, it was not to last and the cold weather once again returned with a vengeance and quite often a hard freeze with rain that froze upon every surface almost instantly after it landed.  Mr. Hegwood was worried for the trees near the house lest branches break and cause damage to the house or stables.   With luck, we avoided any such fate but I was confident I would freeze solid before it was all through.
Spring, they say, is just about the corner, and will be upon us in no time.  Perhaps with the return of fine weather I can expect the return of my beloved.  His portrait does nothing to stave away the loneliness and despondency of his absence.

A letter to Lt. Ramsey aboard the Acasta

My dear Lt. Ramsey,

Thank you very kindly for your attention to me in responding so promptly to my last letter.  You would do well to teach my darling Fiance a thing or two.  I understand he is quite busy with his duties, but I do worry so.  You have done wonders to quell some of my worried by your reports that everyone is quite well, and for that I am quite indebted to you.  

Your stories and communications of the goings-on aboard the Acasta bring some light and joy to my otherwise dreadfully simple days.  You have missed very little in the way of excitement here at home since last you left in October; nothing that would satisfy your tastes, anyhow.  The weather has been unseasonably warm and mild, and I hope that it continues peaceful to wherever you find yourselves.  I do hope that you find plenty to do aboard ship on those long days, and after the story in your last missive of Mr. Hamilton in a fit of rage at losing all his pocket money throwing half your deck of cards overboard, I have enclosed in this packet a new set.  Have a care that he does not lose so  many times, and if he begins to turn red about the ears, do be so kind and stow them safely out of his reach before he has a chance to turn this new deck into flotsam. 

I have got my hands on some new fashion plates sent from Europe and have enclosed all that pertain to you  - do not mind that they are French but because of this war it is really all we can get our hands on at the moment.  I have looked them over and I assure you there is nothing that ought to shame you for copying them.   I have not had a chance as of yet to go into town and fetch for you the swatches of fabric you requested – forgive me but I have avoided the task until Mrs. Hegwood is well away for she has made going into town a most aggravating task due to the wedding. I shall go again presently as she is engaged to spend time with some of her family within the next week or so. 

I shall leave off as I have no other business to report – do urge the Doctor to write to me more if you possibly can.

Warmest Affections,

A letter to the Doctor at Sea

4, December 1812

My Dearest Doctor,        
I confess the days longer than they used to be since last we parted in October. Prepare yourself, for now I must scold you, for you do not write faithfully at all, and I must rely on Lt. Ramsey for any news of you should I desire it; you cause me to fret and worry over you so with these great swaths of silence from yourself.  I must make you promise that when we are finally as Man and Wife you will do a better job at keeping our correspondence!  

Life here continues in a fit of do-nothingness, and short of making a few scant decisions, planning for the wedding has come to a halt.  I try not to count down the days until next October, but I know you know me well enough to suspect my failure in doing so.  Mr. Hegwood has suffered very little since winter has begun, thankfully, but on the coldest days he finds himself slower to rise in the mornings and should he sit for long periods with little animation he grows too stiff and requires assistance getting out of his chair and must move about until he is more comfortable.  It has been very mild here, and I do hope for some snow soon.  Last year, as you well know, since our winter was quite warm there was an excess of insects come spring time that was almost unbearable and caused the crops no small amount of distress.

Mrs. Hegwood, you can well believe, has spent all of her time busying herself with preparations for the wedding that I must go behind and undo for I do not agree with them, and changing her mind from delight to perturbation that I had not chosen a better candidate (she had two or three in mind ahead of you, but do not take it to heart). I love the creature with all my heart and has replaced the position of my mother with great alacrity and skill, but her tastes are old-fashioned and differ from mine entirely, and we shall agree on nothing.  

It has rained all day here, causing us all to be low in spirits and heavy in our activities; or as it has been oft today lack thereof.  I so wish to venture out for a walk and escape Mrs. Hegwood’s tiring employment of making unsolicited decisions on my behalf.  You must not think me ungrateful for her help, for I certainly am not, I am only tired and made shortish of temper in my missing your company very dearly.  

Lt. Ramsey informs me in his last letter that the Acasta has been somewhat successful these past few weeks.  I do hope that this success continues and that as little casualties are to be had as possible, for it does make me low to hear of such miserable things in the newspapers, and I live in dread of finding the names of any of our acquaintance among them, or worse yet your name.  The dear Captain must be a truly formidable leader, though, and I trust in him as much as I can. 

As I have nothing else of any interest to tell you, our goings-on are hardly worth writing, I shall leave off with Mr. and Mrs. Hegwood giving all their love and wishes for a hasty return of yourself, and I send even more of mine to you.  Do remember to write me; and my love to all of our friends aboard the Acasta. 

With all my love and affection, I remain to you, ever your beloved;

Emily Waterman

Photo take by Rick Murray

14, July

Whilst I dreamed away the night, storm clouds had made their way to us from across the lake, and I was awoken quite suddenly as Mr. Tumbusch and others made a frantic scramble in the early hours of the morning to prevent our goods from getting wet.  Luckily, though the air was heavy and the clouds hung very low, we got little more than a light drizzle.  

All were up early, as Sunday was the day for preparations to leave.  I was to accompany the Doctor and the Tumbusches back southward, the Doctor as he made way to his ship, and the Tumbusches to their home.  As camps were being struck, the Doctor and I made our last rounds of goodbyes, and looked at the wares being sold atop the hill just outside of Ft. George.  Ms. Spencer was there, and from her I purchased a new pair of stockings and shawl.  I never have any trouble parting with any coin in Spencer’s Mercantile, I find. 
The day was heavy and slow, and rain threatened at every moment.  All were in a great fuss about it – for wet canvas increases the weight by at least twofold, and would thus make travel that much slower.  Mr. Tumbusch was very watchful as his things were struck and packed away.  The Doctor and I spent much of our time together, wandering about from place to place, he to speak with the sailors and officer’s he knew, and I to stand about and politely listen, catching glances at him as often as I could.  

As we returned to camp, I was very fortunate to look as though I needed some cheering, so dear Mrs. Tumbusch suggested that with their new purchases and with the state in which their things were re-packed, there would not be comfortable enough room for me in their coach, and it was slyly suggested I travel with the Doctor in his, as he would ensure my safety without a doubt.  He did not object, and I made only a weak objection about possibly putting him out of comfort with my presence and being in general an inconvenient, but none of the party would hear any of that so all was settled.  

Our next destination was to be Locust Grove, for their annual festival held on the grounds.  My first experience with this was last year, and what fun did I have! I was very excited to hear that we would reach that part of the country in just enough time to be able to enjoy it.  Even the Doctor, rather prone to being solemn, looked cheered by the prospect.  

At three o’clock in the afternoon all were prepared, and set off with cheery spirits, and many memories to hold us.  The Doctor and I had, for the first leg of our journey, many an amusing conversation, and I find there was more business of that kind than I can recall in previous situations.  We hardly noticed as the miles and hours slipped past, for he was in such spirits the likes I had rarely seen.  He was so full of stories he could not tell me the night previous for want of proper sleep and food, and I was swept away in listening to the tales of sea life.  I have, though my previous experience with the ocean was not a favorable one, a strong desire still to travel.

In a much shorter number of days we arrives back at Wyndhaven Manor, the seat of the Tumbusches, in Ohio in tolerable condition, though understandably that much travel can knock about a person something terrible.  It felt very good to be back in some manner of civilization and to be properly waited upon by the household.  I find myself now quite exhausted from the traveling about, and as the strong wind that always blows in these parts creates a low sound around me in the middle of the night, my eyes cannot close and I cannot find a will to sleep.   Tomorrow we are to depart after only two days reprieve to Kentucky, and to enjoy the company of friends not seen for some time.

13 July

I arose Saturday with the sun and with of course Bingley, the little dog, who alerted me to his desire for breakfast by stepping quite unceremoniously on my abdomen, his sweet little face right before mine until my eyes opened.  I can say at least he was polite enough to give his little tail a wag in his way of a morning greeting.  Since I heard not another soul awake around, I stole as quietly as I could into my dressing gown and out of the tent, lest I awaken Mr. and Mrs. Tumbusch, and fed Bingley his breakfast.  

The camp was silent and peaceful, though I knew I would not have very much longer to enjoy the dawn as there were faint sounds of life coming from nearby tents, and unclad as I was in my dressing gown, cap, and nightgown; I could not remain so before strangers when they decided to rise.  

Somewhere by the misty shore I heard a loon call mournfully, followed shortly by the uncouth squawk of a heron.  The little waves stirred by the breeze knocked the longboats tethered to the dock against one another with a hollow thud and clang.  I closed my eyes and relished these last peaceful moments for I knew within an hour there would be no such thing as silence and tranquility.  In the distance I heard seven chimes of a ship’s bell mounted in a camp calling the time.  I can be relatively assured it denoted 6:30 in the morning, though I have a loose grasp at best of Naval time.

I did not have to wait too much longer before I heard Mrs. Tumbusch softly call for me, as I am sure she saw I was not in my bed.  Bingley and I took refuge back in our canvas home whilst I helped Mrs. Tumbusch dress and she I.  Before breakfast I took a moment to pen a letter to my dearest friend Ms. Tattman.  Mr. Tumbusch took that opportunity to make use of his newest purchase – his campaign shaving box to make himself presentable before we went to the fort.  My nerves completely prevented my eating anything of real substance, and I drank only some orange juice.  The Doctor was to arrive in port later, and I was most anxious to meet him there.  Word had gotten back to me of his being healthy and in one piece by way of Mr. Ramsey when last they encountered one another, as the Doctor is not in any way a reliable correspondent, but understandably I wanted to make sure of this with my own eyes.

After breakfast I dressed for the rest of the day in my finest new things, my white dotted muslin and my red silk spencer, an outfit I knew the Doctor would be fond of; though it was not in his favorite shade of Olive Green. Carefully did I arrange my hair, and very prominently did I display the Doctor’s portrait upon my spencer jacket for all to see.  At last we were at leisure to promenade about.

The day dragged on in an insufferable manner, though Mr. and Mrs. Tumbusch were most attentive to me.  I feel I did not return their great kindness to me in my distracted distress, and feel the sting of guilt even now most acutely.  At last it was time to go and observe the Naval and Military tactics, to keep all involved as sharp as possible, I can only assume.  Perhaps these men think it fun, and perhaps those unmarried of the lot find it a time to flex and show for the suitable women they wish to snap up who came out to see.  For my part I kept my small spyglass the Doctor left in my care trained on the ships, straining to see his striking figure hauling ropes, or whatever it is he would do in the guise of a sailor.  It was perhaps that very garb that prevented me from picking him out of the rest of the rabble.  I finally was obliged to give up the search, as the mass of people were too much to bear, and I could not find comfort in the heat being so very much pressed in the crowd. 

I could not find Mr. or Mrs. Tumbusch among the sea of heads, but having given them my word to send for them should I need them before I set off, I was at liberty to go in search of where the ships may dock; there being many and no one with any exact knowledge or firm information on the subject.  

I spent near two hours in the stifling heat walking from one place to another, asking any person who might know what to do, standing upon a rock with my spyglass watching the sister ships and trying to discern where they might end up.  I watched longboats row past my perch, and as the wind picked up off the water I could make out one sailor hailing me as a Siren, and to spare him to not dash them all upon the rocks.  Vexed as I was by my tiring hunt to find my Doctor, I laughed merrily at this thought, and waving to him I promise I was not an accomplished enough singer to distract him into certain demise.   All of the men laughed heartily in response to this and I was revived in spirits. 

Finally I caught up with Mrs. Shifferdecker, the very beautiful wife of one Lt. Shifferdecker who I knew to be with the Doctor, and she informed me that in but a moment they would allow the public access to the dock where all the ships would unload their crew destined for York. I spent a few moments speaking with her before I entered the area where both the Playfair and the Pathfinder were pulled up side-by-side.  Instantly I caught sight of the Doctor, looking very amusing and shockingly underdressed to my eye, and throwing all propriety to the wind gathered my skirts to run the last few yards before I tripped into view, my cheeks flushed from the heat and upon seeing him again, a smile on my face I found I could not control. 
I like to think it is not my vanity that speaks but honest truth when I say his face seemed to brighten upon seeing me.  He looked tired and sun-weary, but smiled at me in response, though certainly with a more dignified manner.  He had, long before he left, promised me access aboard whichever ship he found himself and stepping forward offered his hand to help me aboard as Lt. Shifferdecker, also in sailor’s slops, held the ropes aside.  We took a few silent moments to smile at one another again, before shyly looking across the water in opposite directions.  I asked after his journey, after his health, and informed him I was glad to see him alright.  I thanked Lt. Shifferdecker in jest for looking after the Doctor, and he smiled at me archly, but did not respond.

My stay aboard the ship was not long in duration, for just the small waves coming from the various passing craft made me feel rather ill.  I was handed down with all polite alacrity, and in but a moment the Doctor and I were off to make our way back to camp.

Our conversation was light and familiar, though inside I was anxious.  After such a long absence I had hoped for something more like affection; but it was just as it was before.  I had not time to dwell on it for we were back at the camp in what seemed like no time at all, and no longer at liberty to wholly enjoy one another’s company.  Mr. and Mrs. Tumbusch were overjoyed to see him again, being old friends, and we all made quite merry.  

Lt. Shifferdecker, having changed like the Doctor, into the proper uniform of his station invited us very graciously to his camp to enjoy some port and some sweet things his steward had made.  It was a little taste of civilization in a place that seemed to be so far removed from it.  I was introduced by the Doctor to Mr. Midshipman Bartgis (who pronounced his name as Barges), and upon only a few minutes discourse he asked me boldly to have a dance with him in Navy hall where they were holding a small country dance.  Being quite keen on dancing myself at any opportunity I readily assented, giving a brief glance at the Doctor who seemed undisturbed by the request.  Mr. Bartgis was quite light on his feet and a fine dancer.  I laughed with him readily, and enjoyed his conversation thoroughly. 

Eleven O’clock came too early for me, and though my heart and spirits were more than alive, my body felt very much the early hour in which I rose. After we made our goodnights to the Doctor and Lt. Shifferdecker I stated to Mrs. Tumbusch that I should never rest this night for my mind was terribly active and full.  My dear friend laughed at me and promised the day would catch me and I would sleep well enough.  I confess she was quite correct, and I dreamt of sails and the vast open ocean; and of the Doctor who was as dear to me now as he ever was.