July 10, 1812

am in such a state of agitation I hardly know that I can write. The strange behaviors of my aunt have been now explained to me, and I wish so fervently that I could change the hands of time and make it to never have happened. For the past month or more, Aunt Elizabeth has been needling, badgering, pestering, and bullying Papa and Mama to permit my departure immediately to America. I don't know what it finally took, but Papa acquiesced and once again relinquished his power to her and let her do what she pleases with his family and their lives! I am to be sent in but two days from now, and must fore go saying farewell to anyone. It is almost as if my aunt chose it that way. Word will get out somehow; I am sure of it.

I sent a note to the Doctor the moment I heard; and I fear he may be unable to read it as my hands shook so terribly whilst writing it and the entire time I fought back tears, and I am sure to positivity Aunt Elizabeth's devices are upon us meeting. I am almost suspicious of him as well, perhaps he has played his own part in my harsh and abrupt uprooting from my home to some distant plot of land I know nothing about and not a living soul in. And the travel! How will I ever endure it? The only details I have thus been graced with are that I leave at or near dawn the day after tomorrow and I am to arrive in America God knows how long from then, in the care of a Mr and Mrs Hegwood, who I of course know nothing about other than my aunt's assurances that they are both kind, just, and wonderful people. For all I know, the are complete heathens and wretched people. I am trying to trust in those involved, and Papa and Mama who I must remember always have my best interests at heart and in their minds, but I am so terribly frightened. There is no determined date or idea of my return, but I pray so desperately that it is not a long one. I shall write again as soon as find peace enough to, as of now there is so much running about and action in preparation that I can hardly think a complete thought, and the tears are to such a state I can no longer see the pages.

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