July 28, 1812

cannot even begin to recall the past two weeks. The vile sea-sickness has been so unbearable as to leave me so weak that I have been unable to do anything but struggle to sleep, and when I can eat and drink blessed Abigail has been by my side day and night to ensure my comfort and any health she can offer. She has even been so desperate as to beseech the churlish old doctor in providing for me something to aid in my sleep and to ease my insistent discomfort. Thus far it has indeed provided me with some level of ease, but I desperately every moment crave to be back home with Mama and Papa.

Some days ago, I did in fact resolve to tell Mr. Brennan of my feelings and impressions towards him. At our last port, I could not name it if I wanted as I recall very little through my haze of illness and whatever it was the doctor had given me, I resolved to send it with the rest of the letters being dropped for the next ship bound for England. I sent Abigail to ensure that the letter would reach proper hands with an extra urge of importance that nothing happen to it, as it contained, what I told her, the rest of my heart that was left. She assured me no harm would come, and bade me rest my mind and body lest I cause myself more harm in my weakened state.

Again the fickle oceans provided me with a much needed and greatly appreciated pause in its temper and allowed me time enough to gather strength to rise from my blanketed prison and gather some much needed fresh air with the supportive arm of Abigail. The damp and dark cabin below deck is doing little to help my poor spirits, and the combination of my physical state left me so puny I was only able to stand for short minutes at a time, and am too exhausted to stand or walk on my own. One of the crew was obliged after a short while to even carry me back to my bed, and back was I confined to the oppressive atmosphere.

The woman with the two young boys and unfortunate means has sought me out to befriend me, and who am I to turn her away? Wretched and low as I am. We are all bound to one another in our own separate world on the sea, and though she may be far beneath my notice in the world of solid ground, in the secluded wooden world we find ourselves currently, we are all equals. That being said, it has done my heart some good to have people to converse with and I have even begun to teach the eldest son, Jacob, what little French I can teach myself. He is a quick study and has proven to be a polite and patient pupil. Most of the time, though, the lessons are abruptly ended as the slightest provocation of any sudden movement of the ship leaves me unable to be before others, and rendering me quite unable to carry on.

My days have begun to blend together into a stream of damp dark and miserable dreams, and as I have oft mentioned before, I find my anticipation growing and will be intensely pleased, overjoyed even, to be rid of this creaking, smelling, and miserable style of living.

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